Homesick

Written by:

Bailey Marquardt

RPCV Fiji (2018-2020)

Embarking on a two-year worldly adventure is likely, but not certainly, going to be served with a side of homesickness. Sometimes those sides are a nice modest serving size, comparable to the vegetables you don’t like but know they are good for you, so you eat a small amount. Other times the side of homesickness will feel like an endless coursed meal. Each time you think you’ve finished the meal by eating the last bite on your plate a new one is promptly served right after. Peachy.

Everyone experiences homesickness in different ways and for different things. Sometimes it’s for loved ones and the conversations that were present in your daily life. Other times it's homesickness for your things or a way of life. Heck, I know I was homesick for a hot shower more than once. The goal is to identify the unsettling feelings of homesickness, and what you can do about them when you feel like you’re in the middle of nowhere. While you can’t hop home for the weekend or engage with the things you miss most, it’s not instantly a cause for lost hope that can only be solved by packing your bags.

What are some of the options when managing homesickness on the other side of the world?

Step 1: Learn to identify homesickness:

It’s important to know and remind oneself during service, that homesickness is likely to come in waves. While the first episode is often the strongest, it’s not rare to be blindsided by another good-sized episode later. Sometimes homesickness can start small and spiral to larger, elephant-sized feelings of despair. Not so romantic as you picture your new life, I know, but it’s the truth and it’s important to prepare for all sides of the Peace Corps Volunteer experience. So now that you know there’s a strong chance of experiencing wallowing pits of despair, what can you do about it?

The first step is learning to identify what you are feeling. By being aware of what homesickness could feel like before experiencing it, you won’t be avoiding the experience altogether, but you’ll be giving yourself a better chance at managing homesickness in a healthy way.

What are some of the symptoms of homesickness?

1. Disturbed sleeping patterns

2. Feeling angry, nauseous, nervous, or sad

3. A lack of appetite or concentration

4. Feeling isolated, lonely, or withdrawn

5. Feeling panicky, overwhelmed, insecure, or anxious

6. Low motivation

7. Headaches

Now, a few points about the above list. This is not an extensive list of what homesickness could be. You know yourself and you might be aware of other homesick feelings from previous experiences. Symptoms on this list are not only caused by homesickness. Sometimes (and often) a headache is a sign of dehydration and a simple glass of water, and some electrolytes will take care of it. It’s important to communicate with your Peace Corps Medical Officers (PCMOs) regularly. If something feels different, or wrong, talk to them. PCMOs are an incredible support system that may literally save your life.

So you’ve identified potential symptoms of homesickness. You now have a flag, warning, or little “yoo-hoo” wave from your body you can choose to act on. But what do you do?

Step 2: Don’t Count How Much Time You Have Left:

The moment you leave home for Peace Corps your brain will almost instantly think two years and the length of Pre-Service Training left. You might not have negative thoughts associated with the countdown, heck you’ll likely even think “Wow two entire years on this incredible journey”. Regardless of your current feelings associated with the countdown, it will be the first of many How much time do I have left in service? thoughts to be had. There will be big milestones that mark your timeline such as swearing-in after Pre-Service Training (PST), Mid-Service Training (MST), and other official Peace Corps dates that will hover like beacons in the sky on your calendar. There will be other events like holidays, birthdays, and specific times of year you would be partaking in activities if you were home. Suddenly you are aware of how long it will be until your in-person engagement with those traditions happens again, sparking homesick feelings. It's natural to countdown your service, every volunteer does. Do you know what else is natural? Feeling whatever feels comes with those thoughts.

Sometimes countdown thoughts are happy thoughts, other times not so much happiness is associated. From my personal experience, volunteers tend to share happy times and struggle to be vulnerable with one another when things are tough. They fear something might be wrong with them, or that they’re not “doing Peace Corps right” if it's not always going well. But Peace Corps life is somewhat simple. Like life back home, sometimes it's going well and sometimes it's not. My advice is to cultivate relationships with volunteers where you can be honest and share the juicy vulnerable stuff. Sometimes saying “This sucks right now” out loud and hearing back some validation is enough to start feeling better. Sometimes.

When feeling homesick, the doom and gloom of the countdown vibe can escalate quickly. You may start having irrational thoughts of I’m going to be feeling this way for another 1 year and 7 months which can quickly intensify the already not great feelings of homesickness you are experiencing.

Step 3: What To Do Now That You’ve Counted How Much Time You Have Left:

So you’ve done what every volunteer has done, counted how much time you have left in service when you’re feeling homesick or otherwise down about your current state of affairs. It’s okay. As I pointed out above, we’ve all been there. Firstly, remind yourself that your feelings are real but that doesn’t mean they are true. In the moment you might feel hopeless and intense feelings of homesickness, and you might be feeling that they’re going to exist for the rest of your service. But it doesn’t mean they will. And most likely, they won't. You’ve reminded yourself that you are human, feelings can be scary and painful and that is okay. Now you can decide what to do.

Sometimes we need to start by just feeling the feelings. Sit with the pain for a bit and allow yourself to miss your family, friends, and life back home. Cry, look through photos, stare at the ceiling, daydream, whatever you need to do to create space to feel your feelings in a healthy way. Then decided how to keep moving forward.

For me, I liked having a list of things to do when I was feeling homesick. It may sound silly but having a reference point to see do this next made it easier. So what are some things you can do when feeling homesick?

1. Morning Routine. I found taking a shower, having a cup of coffee, and going for a walk/run helped me clear my mind and process my feelings of homesickness.

2. Go out into the community. For me, feeling homesick was often me missing connection with other people. Relationships and connections take time to build, but when I was feeling homesick early on in Peace Corps I would go out into the community and spend time with people. Fostering meaningful relationships almost always made me feel better, even when they felt slow at the start. It might be scary to just wander your community and join the goings on at first, but you've already traveled across the world for this, so just pretend you're Jack Sparrow and get out there.

3. Connect with fellow PCVs. Lots of PCVs have lots of time. Don’t be afraid to cold call fellow volunteers and just chat. If they don’t answer, they will call you back when they can. My main PCV support system and I would just call or text asking for some time to talk because we were feeling down. We all crave connection, don’t be afraid to initiate relationships.

4. Call the people you’re missing. Keeping up relationships through virtual platforms for two years isn’t easy. We all experienced that during the pandemic. However difficult to maintain, they are worth the work. Find time to connect with home without using it as a crutch to avoid creating connections in your new home.

Now it’s your turn. Take some time and write down a list of homesickness symptoms, including ones you’ve experienced in the past. Then, take some time to research and note some things you can do when you are experiencing symptoms of homesickness. These lists won’t make you immune to homesickness, but they can provide a great starting point for what to do when you are feeling down. And while you'll spend enough of your time in Peace Corps managing homesick feelings, one day you just might be doing the same for your Peace Corps families.